The Truth about Being a Pastor’s Wife: Who teaches HIM how to do it?

Several weeks ago I attended our small group at church. I don’t go every week and it seems that I don’t go most weeks these days. There are a great many reasons for this that aren’t relevant to this particular story but probably will be addressed at some point in the near future. Regardless, I was immediately sucked into the teaching conversation that was happening – Biblical Models for Parenting: King David and His Boys…What NOT To Do. It was so refreshing to hear from other believers, what they struggle with, how they achieve success, even if only one battle at a time. It was great to be reminded of the Biblical examples of parenting – good AND bad. It was refreshing and encouraging.

And Josh didn’t hear a word of it. Because, ya’ know, it was Sunday and he was working.

Disclaimer: These are my concerns, not Josh’s. He has never complained about any of the following. I just want that to be clear.

This one pops up a lot for me. As a pastor he spends a great deal of time loving on, listening to, sharing with, and teaching other people. But, news flash, he’s just a person, too. Who in the heck loves on, listens to, shares with, and teaches him? Who does he go to when he doesn’t know what to do with our kids anymore? Better yet, who does he go to when he doesn’t know what to do with ME anymore?? When does he get the opportunity to sit and soak in a lesson or a message without having to dart out three times to check on this and that? Who does he go to when he’s struggling with things that are deeply personal? [I’d actually like to know the answer to that one for myself as well, but we’ll save that for another day.] Who are his peeps? Who will help my man?

It feels like the direct result of my man working in the place that people go to for strength, encouragement, knowledge, and refuge means that I’ll have to stand behind him and share the strength, encouragement, knowledge, and refuge I receive. Like since he doesn’t sit under a teacher every week, I’ll just have to teach him what I learned. I don’t know if you’ve tried the whole “teaching” your husband thing, but it rarely goes well in our household. Actually, it’s rarely actually heard in our household so I may as well save my breath.

What God is teaching ME is that I’m mistakenly making it my job to teach, convict, or guide Josh. And even if there IS no one else, Josh sits under the ultimate teacher – Jesus himself – and that’s enough. That’s actually best. Maybe Josh understands more about leaning directly on God instead of others than I do. Maybe God’s got it under control. And maybe I should focus more on applying the things that He’s taught ME. Maybe 😉

As you can tell, I’m still working through this one and chances are, there are a great many of you who have husbands who don’t go with you to said classes or to any classes or have a community to walk with them through the junk and you feel the same way about them. This one is most definitely NOT restricted to pastor-hood. So tell me, how do you handle it? This wrestling gal would like to know!

One thought on “The Truth about Being a Pastor’s Wife: Who teaches HIM how to do it?

  1. Sweet Friend boy do I understand EVERY ASPECT of what you just said. I myself dont get to attend a small group on Sunday morning because of the way our service is set up with the College Students. I so LONG for those times of sitting in a small group and just listening and soaking in what people are saying. I feel ya guh!

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