For when the not good enoughs won’t stop staring at you…

I’ve been feeling a little beat up – a little haggard, if you will. Third trimester alone can do that to a person. Throw in a full and busy [and fulfilling] schedule, some big[ish] things resting upon the heads of our family, and the general day to day of taking care of itty bitties, and a girl can start to feel a little haggard.

While I waited for my coffee to brew this morning, I thought to myself and to God, “I want to feel more prepared for all of this. I want to feel more ‘in tune’ but I don’t even know what to pray.”

Do you ever feel that way? Just…ill-equipped? And you do your best to put one foot in front of the other, trusting God to keep turning all that water into wine, and He keeps proving Himself true, good, and faithful, but still the insufficiencies of YOU sneak up on you and make you feel like a high school Freshman moving from class to class, waiting for someone to notice that you have NO idea what you’re doing?

That’s sort of where I am. My morning time with Jesus has quickly diminished in this third trimester, among all the stomach bugs and nightmares, and general lack of sleep. The alarm rings early and my body has often just begun to rest – so I’ve been letting it do so more often. I don’t feel guilty about that, but I do genuinely miss my morning coffee with Jesus time. And apart from him, my not-good-enoughs always float to the top and bob there like the toys in the bathtub that are forever and always in the way.

I am also in the middle of an incredible experience via IF. I encourage all of you to head over and check out the tools they have to offer – on your individual journey, in small group settings, and even in a corporate atmosphere. How much I am learning through what they are providing! Some friends and I “did” the IF:Gathering together. For four Sundays, we gathered, watched wonderfully diverse women share the message God has put on their hearts, and then we sat for hours around a table, eating, laughing, and pouring out our own hearts. It was truly one of my favorite experiences of adult Jesus-following to date.

We are now using the IF:Equip website to continue our time together via Facebook conversation. And y’all. Today – isn’t God sweet and pretty incredible in the way He knows what we need and plans in advance for us to get it at just the right time?

Peter. Sweet, screw-uppy, scared, bold Peter. He’s my Bible crush – the one whose story and words almost always touch the deepest parts of my heart. This is the man who has been all over the board up until now…a hot mess, if you will. And then…”Peter stood up with the Eleven, raised his voice, and addressed the crowd.” It gives me a lump in my throat!

Also, the Scripture reference on the pic is wrong. It’s Acts 2:14, if you want to read a little further.

Peter always had some “Bring It” inside of him – but the Holy Spirit, he’s the one that tamed it, groomed it, and made it have an everlasting “Boo yah” impact. What hope that gives me and what encouragement to live FULL of the Holy Spirit every moment of every day!

I AM all over the board – most of the time. I AM a hot mess – today and for always. But there is hope for me! The Holy Spirit is in the process of taming and grooming my own “Bring It,” and one foot in front of the other is all he asks of me. He will handle the rest. He will take my little steps, my moments of “standing with the Eleven” and make them resonate with exactly the amount of “Boo yah” necessary for that breath.

Thank you Jesus for being you and giving us the Holy Spirit.

Thank you God for meeting us where we are.

And thank you for letting us know Peter and his story.

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