I MAY or MAY NOT have skipped the church service yesterday. I started my morning happy and excited to get there and spend time with friends and take a break from responsibilities…to be a part of the crowd. One Sunday every once in a while of just being a part of the crowd helps me cope with the fact that my family and I SO are not just part of the crowd.
Then there WAS a crowd outside of Miss Magnificent’s room. Parents waiting with their whining toddlers. And I was determined just to be one of ’em. Not to volunteer my knowledge or services. I was just going to stand there until someone issued a solution for the problem. But I couldn’t. You know I couldn’t. Two minutes into my determined part of the crowdness I marched myself to the front and volunteered to stay with the kiddos until the teacher arrived. No teacher ever arrived, for the record. And I spent my morning changing diapers and wiping snot noses and getting really annoyed.
So when my relief came – after LIFE group was over and service was scheduled to start – I was already severely cranky. She walked in and said to my little girl, “Oh, your Daddy is The Hunk [except she said his real name]!” And I turned from my diaper changing duties and said, “Yes, and I am his wife.” And then I was 8 shades of done. Not because she was anything but kind or meant anything by the recognition of my child but it WAS because of the recognition of my child that I was done. I’ve always been terrified of my kids being forced to live in the spotlight. Since the day The Hunk decided vocational ministry was where God wanted him. And there it was…some random woman who I certainly do not know reconized my baby. And her Daddy.
I peaced outta there ASAP without the heart to go to service. Instead I grabbed a coffee and sat for some reflection. How do I deal? How do I push through that which brushes the deepest fears of my heart? Or the deepest hurts? I go to my Father. I stop and let His Spirit move around in the deep – easing the fears and healing the hurts.
I missed the service yesterday. I did. I’m not saying you should skip just because you had a bad morning. Usually that’s exactly when you SHOULDN’T skip. All I’m saying is that the Holy Spirit taught me some stuff because or inspite of my shady service skipping.
More on THAT tomorrow. Now get your hineys in gear. Write something real and true and link up to YOUR POST below!
Keep on keepin’ it down and dirty. Love y’all like crazy!
Em
My dear cousin, please disregard my ignorance about this blogging thing. That Incognito thing up there is mine and I can't get it off. And I just spent 20 minutes writing a reply to here and I enjoyed spilling my guts! Then I hit "preview" and it all went away! 🙁 So I'm going to write it again later. And please feel free to remove the Going Incognito thumbnail above. I was hoping that was going to let me rewrite it but obviously that's not what it's for! 🙂 I love ya!
hahahaha! Elizabeth, how fun that you're going to participate! No worries about the linky thing…it's new to a lot of people. Hope you're doing well and I look forward to hearing what you have to say!
HAhaha! I was SO frustrated when it wiped it out! But I'm better now 🙂 I'll try to recreate the magic I had going yesterday… Being a PK I can so relate to the feelings you were having about everyone knowing who your child is. From the PK's perspective may I share that it's not the worst thing that could happen.
Now my hubby and I both work for our family's well-developed production company that provides support to churches building their media departments. This makes it so hard to find a church and inevitably requires instant immersion into the "media ministry" – What cameras should we buy? How much would it cost us to go on tv? Why are we getting feedback in the audio? Can you help us correct our lighting? The sound and video are out of sync in our projectors! HELP! – It never fails! And unfortunately, to be honest, the operations of church keep us from being able to fully participate in church and it becomes business-as-usual instead of God's Day.
So Sunday a local church that I've visited before (and loved) had a special anniversary service at our facility (in addition to doing media for outside venues we have a large TV studio/auditorium). And here's the down and dirty… I attended… and NEVER told anyone who I was! *gasp* That's right… I went incognito! When I walked in I looked around as if I didn't know where the bathrooms were. I tried not to look like I was only going in to check them and be sure they were clean and stocked. And I resisted the urge to wipe the soap drips off the countertops or straighten the papertowel stack before walking out. Once I found my spot in the auditorium and the service started I tried my best to sink into the worship. And although it took me a while, I soon found myself arms-reaching-high, mouth-open-wide, singing my heart out to my God to a song I was learning as I sang. It was wonderful! Soon the worship ended and the pastor took the stage to thank everyone for coming for the special event… and…. thank the staff of our company for all that we had done… (please don't make us stand or call us out – I won't do it! I thought) I was fully prepared to stay seated and clap like I had no idea who any of these staff were. But thankfully he didn't. He kindly proceeded with the rest of his announcements.
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Then my hubby (who was working the event) came to let me know that he had to leave to go to his other job (that's another story altogether) so he kissed me and, unaware of my carefully orchestrated incognito status, handed me the two-way radio! Now, there's only one reason you have a two-way radio in an auditorium during an event with nearly 1,000 people at it… either you're an on-call emergency worker who doesn't mind getting a radio call during church OR YOU WORK THERE!!!!! Rats!
I never would have thought that something that I wear on my hip every day and that helps me do my job would suddenly become my arch enemy! But I did my best to just let that black Motorola piece of technology sit on the chair next to me without looking at it. And the service went on with a wonderful message and challenge to continue to grow individually and collectively as the body of Christ. And it was so nice to be a participant in a service without participating in the service.
Luckily some family of ours that was there needed to leave before the end of service so it gave me an excuse to slip out early. I took my two-way radio and tucked it gently inside my jacket. And on the way out to the lobby I hid it in a cubby where I knew I would find it Monday morning. And I walked away like I hadn't seen a thing! I drove to lunch knowing what I was missing – Can you tell me where the toilet cleaner is? Do you have anymore 50 gallon trash can liners? What should I use to get out the stain that the 5 year old spilled on the second step? Someone is locked out by the dumpsters! Can you open the janitorial closet? – And I wasn't missing it at all!
I kept my cover! And I enjoyed my Sunday! And the hubby and I have decided we will visit the church again next Sunday at their regular location… just The Hills, a family looking for a church home, whose 8 year old daughter is excited to get involved in a children's department, and who love to be melted by good worship and built up by a good Word…and we will remain incognito.
Thanks for letting me get down and dirty!
Always a Purvis
Elizabeth! I LOVE your confession! Totally relate-able…thanks for sharing 🙂 Please join in again sometime! Love you!