Once upon a time, I was a good mommy. I played and played and played with little A. We went to the park and the library and the mall and Chick-fil-a until we oozed fun and togetherness. There was no one cooler or more wonderful than me in those blue-green eyes of hers.
Then I had a miscarriage; then I had another one; and then I got pregnant and it “stuck” and we had to make it through those nine months of fun. Then Marilee was in and out of the hospital for three weeks and the hand, foot, and mouth disease and worst stomach virus ever, and the Job-like fiasco of September 2012. Then we had an infant and a new member of the family to adjust to. Then we bought a house and moved into it.
Somewhere between the crazy and the busy, I stopped being a good mommy – at least in little A’s magnificent blue-green eyes. It’s not that I didn’t take good care of her. I did. It’s not that I wasn’t doing the best I could do given our circumstances. I was. It’s not that she ever actually thought in her little pondering brain, “Mommy is dropping the ball like woah!” She didn’t. But now that we are beginning to peak out from beneath the layers and layers of too much, I’m getting back into my groove. There is play time, people. There is soccer kicking and frisbee throwing. There is doll house playing and balloon bopping. There is – time.
A tide has turned and she is lighting up around me again. Girlfriend sucks down quality time like a drug. When I build towers or check out the roly polies, I say, “I love you.” She is hearing it again loudly from me for the first time in a long time, and I’m full up with happiness because of it.
Today we traipsed back across town to our old Winter Park stomping grounds. Nothing beats the kid’s section at the Winter Park Public Library. People, they have gerbils. And blocks. And ancient puzzles. The area is small so I don’t have to worry about Miss Magnificent carrying her hiney too far away.
I let Marilee crawl all over the floor and put Legos in her mouth. My how things have changed. Also, when I pulled out her bottle to feed her, I set it on the table to get everything else situated. She arched her back and squealed at the top of her lungs. Two divas – excellent.
Adelle spontaneously grabbed her pants and proclaimed, “I gotta go tee tee!” So we packed everything up just to go to the bathroom. As we entered, we passed a lady on her way out. We smiled politely and then we entered the tiny one seater space and slammed straight into the brick wall of smelliness. Adelle jerked her little head around to look at me with the funniest stinky smell face I’ve ever seen. She kept saying, “Shoo-wee, Mommy! It smells weally bad!…Oh, Mommy…phew…this is disgusting!” As I balanced Marilee on my hip, helped Adelle wash her hands, and breathed through my mouth – I laughed until I cried.
And, as a freebie, I’ll say this: I wore a K-Mart bra today. I’m pretty sure this was it’s inagural donning [it’s been in my drawer for a lot of years] because the straps, which are removeable, popped off no less than 5 times. As in, I had to hop right over the propriety line and hook those babies back on in the middle of the library, walking down swanky Park Ave, playing soccer in the park with Adelle. There’s a reason we don’t buy bras at K-Mart. You’re welcome.
Speaking of the park, that’s where we headed next. We ate lunch. Or, Marilee and I ate lunch while Adelle chattered endlessly and hopped all over the blanket trying to escape the bugs. They were gnats. She was flipping out. In all fairness, there was one stray june bug that, of course, found it’s way to her leg. It was over after that. She could not consume another bite for fear that her stillness would bring on another june bug attack. Then the train rolled through and she freaked out again, but only minorly. Even so, she would.not.stop.trying.to.sit.on.me!
The girl is undeniably mine.
We played a round of kick the sort of inflated soccer ball. Adelle ordered me around in a roudy game of “do work while baby sleeps.” I cannot make these things up, folks. I took pictures of these little beauties with the fancy camera. I came prepared because it’s so pretty there!
You should know that the following shots were taken by force. I was peeling her off of me far enough to get a shot of her face. She was holding tightly to my shirt, which revealed my wonky K-Mart bra to the world. We were both laughing hysterically.
I’m wild about this girl!
We loaded it all up and headed for the fountain so that Adelle could make her penny contribution to the needy [insert eye roll] Winter Park area. Upon arriving at the side of the fountain, as I was digging for change in the bottomless pit of a bag that hung from my sweaty shoulder, the Magnificently terribly timed One grabbed her pants again and yelled loudly, “Ahhh! I gotta go tee tee! I dust went a widdle in my panties!”
You’re welcome, elderly gentleman enjoying some peace and quiet on the bench beside us.
We hauled hiney to Barnie’s – two birds with one stone, I thought. Mama needed some coffee.
Fail. The one seater was occupied and after our experience at the library, I didn’t feel that sad about it.
Four stores down, Williams-Sonoma saved our lives/pants.
We made our way back to the car, skipping right past Barnies. Upon arriving at the car, I peeked around to find this:
Sweet Nugget of tasty chubbiness…wrecked my plans for a lengthy afternoon nap.
My consolation prize?
The one by my house has a drive through – glory!
So, if anyone is at the bottom of a lot of layers of too much, I hope this gives you the strength to push through another day of heaviness. Let’s all raise our arm in one, unified fist pump and shout, “It will get betterrrr!!”
9 thoughts on “Once upon a time I was a good mommy…”
This makes me happy and sad all at the same time that we didn't get to come to Orlando while in Naples. Emily, you are a normal, perfect Mommy. So glad we will have more time with our little greats in June. I love you all.
Ditto. Glad you are my sister bear!
That you did. So glad to have people in my life who've been there!
Ha! I'm so glad!
Oh Emily, I so needed a good old belly laugh and the library bathroom incident was just the ticket! Thanks for being so real!
I told you a one point life would get better. I am glad you were able to witness this first hand today. the babies are beautiful.
loved this post and love you. thought/prayed alot for you last night. Missing those blackwell beauties~!
Christina-bina!!! Girrrlll, I feel you! You can do it – and they'll still think you're dreamy when you get to the place of actually having the physical ability to be dreamy again 😉
Seriously, though – I am sending up a prayer of "enough for today" for you right now.
Love you and wish I could bring you coffee in person!
Oh how I needed that today. The craziness of having a newborn and moving in the last 2 months has been OUT OF CONTROL. And our sweet K girl is also OUT OF CONTROL at 21 months. HA! Thanks for the encouragement! 🙂