It was nothing exceptional or out of the ordinary. Just a sweet message from a dear friend that echoed the aches of my soul. And suddenly they were there – the tears that I’ve been forcefully holding at bay all week long. With Little Bear and Emily chatting in the background will Miss Magnificent squealed and hooted, completely oblivious to my throbbing spirit, I just let the tears flow right into the ugly cry.
Some days the loneliness, the maintenance of strength, the acceptance of a life that I never imagined for myself, the ransom of my husband for the sake of ministry – it all feels unbearable.
But then, many times on those same days, the excitement of walking closer with Jesus, the determination to move forward, the fostering of sweet new friendships, the evolution of my husband into the man God created him to be – it all feels right.
And I eagerly grasped another corner of the truth found in weeping forward – the coexistence of joy and ache within me – the sometimes very rightness of unbearability in my life. And unexpectedly – a smile broke through the hard lines of the ugly cry – creating an admittedly akward but deeply honest depiction of this crazy woman.